Note to the trainer: Help participants understand that children’s social skills are the way in which they project their internal emotional world into the outside world. Emphasise the role of being a good listener in maintaining social boundaries.
Method: Interactive presentation.
Materials: Whiteboard.
1. Establishing the foundation of social skills: The trainer presents the concept in the following words:
“Dear colleagues, social skills are the way in which a person who understands their own feelings and can empathise with others reflects these qualities into the outside world. These skills enable people to get along with others, work together and resolve disagreements without turning them into fights. The most fundamental rule is to be a good listener. People who can listen without interrupting the other person, without constantly talking about themselves and without judging can understand what others feel and communicate in a much healthier way.”
2. “Friendship Circle” analysis: Draw three concentric circles on the board (innermost: Me and My Close Circle; middle: My Friends; outermost: Strangers/Social Environment). Ask participants to discuss the confusion experienced by children in the institution when moving between these circles: how close they should become to different people and how they should protect their physical and emotional boundaries.
“Dear colleagues, these three circles drawn on the board are in fact an ‘Emotional and Physical Boundary Map’ that helps a child feel safe in social life. Children who grow up with their families naturally learn which emotions and behaviours to show to people in each circle by observing their parents in the flow of daily life. For example, they hug their mother in the innermost circle, share a toy with a friend in the middle circle and keep a distance from a stranger in the outermost circle.
However, in the world of children in institutional care, children who are disadvantaged, or children with a history of early neglect or abuse, the boundaries between these circles may be completely disorganised.
A new visitor, unfamiliar member of staff or vocational instructor arrives at the institution or children’s home. You may see some children approach this ‘stranger’, who should be in the outermost circle, within seconds as if the person were a mother or father in the innermost circle, jumping into the person’s arms and showing excessive affection.
An outside observer may say, ‘What a warm and affectionate child.’ However, this situation results from the child’s lack of secure attachment and lack of knowledge about the boundaries between circles. This analysis leads to an important awareness: if a child treats someone in the outermost circle as though they belonged to the innermost circle, that child is extremely vulnerable to abuse and manipulation in social life. We need to recognise this confusion about boundaries and guide children regarding ‘whom to trust, how much and in what way’. In which situations do you most often observe this confusion about boundaries in your practice?”