Managing Emotions

2. Managing Emotions and Crisis Management

What Does Managing Emotions Mean?

Managing emotions does not mean suppressing or ignoring feelings; it means guiding them without becoming captive to them. Instead of being a “thermometer” that instantly heats up or cools down according to the environment, the guide invites us to act more like a “thermostat” that regulates its own internal temperature. For a child, learning to say “I’m very angry right now” instead of throwing a toy can be a significant step.

A Four-Step Calming Method

You can use these four simple steps to manage moments of anger and crisis.

01 Take a Deep Breath — In a moment of anger, the brain sounds an emergency alarm and logical thinking becomes much harder. Deep breathing is used to help the body leave emergency mode and settle.

02 Name the Emotion — Saying silently or aloud, “I feel very disappointed right now”, can help shift the focus from an emotional reaction toward problem-solving.

03 Focus on the Present — Focus on the present moment rather than being swept away by a flood of thoughts. This can help the emotion lose its grip.

04 Do Not Believe Negative Thoughts — Notice exaggerated thoughts such as “Everything is ruined” or “They never listen to me”, and try to look at the event from another perspective.

The 90-Second Rule for Moments of Crisis

When anger or fear is triggered in the brain, its physical effect on the body is often described as lasting around 90 seconds. If, during that short time, we do not feed the anger with catastrophic thoughts such as “They always do this”, the emotional wave comes and passes. Teaching your child—and yourself—to “surf” this 90-second wave is one of the most powerful ways to prevent shouting and yelling.

What Should We Do as Caregivers?

Young children cannot calm down on their own; they need your calmness. It highlights two rules for moments of crisis:

  • The Power of Pausing — Instead of reacting immediately to a child’s meltdown, pause for one breath and wait. This short pause can reduce impulsive responses that may later be regretted.
  • Allow the Emotion, Set Limits on Behaviour — Use the principle: “All emotions are normal, but not every behaviour is permitted.” For example: “I understand you’re very angry right now, but I can’t let you hit your sibling.”
Detailed Home Activities
The “Turtle Technique”

How to do it: Teach the child to act like a turtle when they become very angry. The four steps are: notice the feeling and say “Stop”; imagine pulling into a turtle shell and folding the arms; calm down with deep breathing; and, once calm, come out of the shell and try to solve the problem.

The “Calming Corner”

Place soft cushions, stress balls and emotion cards in a corner of the home. This is not a punishment corner. It should be a break space the child may choose to use when they are very angry or want to cry and need time to settle.