3. Understanding Others — “Empathy”

What Is Empathy?

What we all want most in life is to be “seen, heard and understood”. Empathy is more than being polite; it involves trying to understand what another person feels from their perspective while maintaining our own sense of self.

Empathy is not a magical ability but is linked to the biology of the brain; “mirror neurons” are thought to play a role in helping us resonate with the emotions of someone we see crying or in pain. Empathy is like a muscle: it becomes stronger with use and practice.

The Critical Difference Between Pity and Empathy

This is one of the most important distinctions to teach children. Pity says, “I feel sorry for you” and observes from a distance, whereas empathy says, “I understand you; I feel this pain with you” and moves closer to form a connection.

A Three-Step Formula to Understand Your Child

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Reply — Do not judge or interrupt; give the child your full attention and be present.
2. Say What You Notice — Reflect the feeling back like a mirror, for example: “This situation seems to have really overwhelmed and disappointed you.”
3. Validate the Emotion — Say, for example: “It makes sense that you feel this way.” Validating an emotion does not mean approving every behaviour; it means acknowledging the child’s emotional experience.

Simple Home Games

The “Take My Place” Game

As a family, everyone writes a funny, sad or difficult event they have experienced on a small piece of paper and puts it in a bag. Everyone then draws a paper and tells or acts out the event as though they had experienced it themselves, using the first person (“I”). The aim is to practise perspective-taking.

The “Habit of Kindness”

Empathy is presented not only as feeling but also as action. Encourage the child to make a get-well card for a sick relative or friend, give water to street animals, or help a sibling or another member of the household. The activity shifts attention outward and encourages awareness of other people’s needs.